I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
