I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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