Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Randomize
