just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
