I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
