she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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