i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
