i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
