my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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