I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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