If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
