I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
