i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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