I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
