dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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