Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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