Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
