My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
