i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
