Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
