if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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