Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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