dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
