you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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