look no pants
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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