the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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