So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
