I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
