A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
