My sheets look like a crime scene.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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