Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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