when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
