No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
