they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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