is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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