i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
