Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
