and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
