We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Vodka?
Forever.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
