i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
