So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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