Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
