No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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