You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
