i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
