you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
