Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
