dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
