its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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