i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Randomize
