I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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