Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
