This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
