There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
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